DVD Corner

Lovelines Blu-ray Review

It’s not hard to see why “Lovelines” has vanished into obscurity.  

If there was ever a film with an identity crisis it’s 1984’s “Lovelines.” Written by Chip Hand and William Byron Hillman, “Lovelines” is a teen comedy spin on “Romeo And Juliet” that is also a raunchy sex comedy, and a rock musical. Pick a lane! Anyway, the story revolves around two rival California high schools (Coldwater Canyon High and Malibu High School) who have 2 bands set to perform at a battle of the bands competition. There’s the Firecats (led by singer Piper) and Racer (led by singer Rick). These two singers from different schools end up falling in love with one another, but unfortunately for these two young lovers, they have to contend with Piper’s bully brother Godzilla who is hell bent on preventing the two from finding love. Wrapping around this whole story is a plot about J.D.- a man who owns a Lovelines phone service who also eavesdrops on all of the gossip going around. It’s basically just a half-baked subplot to insert a fourth wall breaking Michael Winslow of “Police Academy” fame into the film.

The 80s were the peak era of teen comedy films, but “Lovelines” is certainly not one of the high points. The movie is truly as 80’s as can be as it includes virtually everything you can think of from breakdancing to high school pranks (and the aforementioned genres). None of it sticks well together and there’s far too many characters floating around (and many played by actors who you have likely never heard of). Director Rod Amateau does keep the movie flowing at a fine pace as there’s always something happening in every moment, but the lack of characterization and poor plotting really hampers the story.

There are a few curious moments that pop up here including Miguel Ferrer as a punk rock drummer, a full blown Indiana Jones music cue, and a song called “Defying Gravity” (which of course is the name of a track from the musical “Wicked”).

Video/Audio:

Presentation: 1.78:1 1080p. How does it look? Of the recent Alliance transfers of 80s catalogue titles reviewed lately, this one fares the best. 

Audio Track: 2.0 DTS-HD MA. How does it sound? A perfectly satisfactory track all around.

The only extra is a VHS inspired slipcover.

June 4, 2026 - Posted by nicklyons1 | Blu-Ray review | 80s Movie, Loveliness Blu-ray Review, Michael Winslow, Romeo And Juliet, Sex Comedy, Teen Comedy