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Shark Night Blu-Ray and DVD Reviews

I never expected Shark Night rank up there with Jaws. In fact, I expected it to be pretty bad. And it is, but for all the wrong reasons.

Simple plot. Several bimbos and hunky douche bags (even the obligatory nerds in this one act like douche bags) travel by boat for a weekend on a lake, only to be picked off one-by-one by a variety of sharks. Yeah, I know you’re asking yourself how salt-water fish can accomplish this, but it’s explained (lamely) pretty early on, but I was willing to accept the explanation for the sake of the story. It turns out some sleazy locals brought these sharks into the lake so they can make some quick cash shooting videos of people turned into fish food.

Dumb? You bet, but on paper it sounds like a quick & dirty sleaze-fest that could be a fun way to kill 90 minutes. You would think, if nothing else, the thing would at least be loaded with enough gratuitous gore and T&A to make the thing worth sitting through.

And you’d be wrong.

Shark Night commits the ultimate cardinal sin of horror films…it’s boring. The best cinematic trash, especially if trying to appeal only to the yahoo crowd, is fun, and that‘s the bottom line. This should have been something on par with Snakes on a Plane…total crap alleviated by an audacity to throw everything (including the kitchen sink) on the screen, and since director David Ellis also made Snake on a Plane, I expected that very thing. Instead, we get watered-down PG-13 violence and special effects not much better than the made-for-cable movies SyFy vomits up every Saturday night. I watched this snooze-fest with my seven-year-old daughter and the only time she was scared was when she thought the dog was going to die.

Movies like this need earn their hard-R rating, with more blood, more boobs and Samuel L. Jackson screaming “I’ve had it with these motherf**kin’ sharks in this motherf**kin’ lake!” We’re not looking for anything more than cheap thrills, which Shark Night doesn’t provide. However, I must admit there is one intentionally humorous moment involving the local sheriff (Donal Logue) as he explains the reason for all the shark attacks. It’s a minor hoot.

The theatrical release was in 3-D, but based on what I saw here, even that overused gimmick wasn’t exploited too much, save for the film’s one truly great scene involving a great white shark and a Jet-Ski.

Shark Night is pretty-much a waste of time. You are better off dusting off your old copy of Jaws, or even Deep Blue Sea, or even the remake of Piranha, which is everything this film should be but isn’t. Leave it on the shelf.

Shark Attack! Kill Machine! -a montage of the film’s death scenes.
Shark Night’s survival Guide – fun facts about shark with a semi-amusing voice-over.
Fake Sharks, Real Scares – a short feature on how they created these totally phony fish.
Ellis’ Island – actors gushing about how great their director is.
Digital copy of the film.

The DVD only includes the “Shark Attack! Kill Machine” and “Ellis’ Island” featurettes.

January 5, 2012 - Posted by | Blu-Ray review, DVD review | , ,

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